I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
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He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
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A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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