Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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