Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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