it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
