Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
If its not for food we ain't going out.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
