Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
