He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
