At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Randomize