my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I have aggressive nipples.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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