He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
