I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
