the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
