The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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