you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
