I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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