You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
