I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
