We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
