How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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