we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
