We're like a lot better than the average bears
she woke up with a sticky ear
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Randomize
