Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I think my moral compass just broke
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