ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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