how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
