Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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