She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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