You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
It's no shave November. This is our time.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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