Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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