The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
