Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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