I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
the room spins SO much faster in panama
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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