I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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