I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
