I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
