my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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