i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
