o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
