All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
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