i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
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