thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
