Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Randomize
