Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize