I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
