Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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