The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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