no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
