why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
