I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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