you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
We left the knife in your bed.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
