I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
