wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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