do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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