How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
