i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Randomize
