Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
