i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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