I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
