People in love make me want to vomit
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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