just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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