My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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