We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
