Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
