Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
