1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
sarcasm needs its own font
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize