so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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