Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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